Many boys fall into the trap of “self touching” when trying to win back their girlfriends: they save money to buy expensive gifts for her, send countless caring messages every day, and even give up their jobs and social life for her, thinking that such efforts can make her change her mind. But the result is often that you have put in a lot, but you have moved yourself, but not her. In fact, the key to recovery is not ‘how much you put in’, but ‘whether your efforts are what she wants’.
The core issue of “self moving” giving is to “ignore her needs” and impose one’s own ideas on her. For example, she likes quietness, but you take her to crowded places to create surprises; What she needs is companionship, but you think giving expensive gifts can make up for it; She hopes you become mature and stable, but you are still as childish and willful as before. This kind of effort not only fails to impress her, but also makes her feel that ‘you don’t understand me at all’, and even exacerbates her resistance.
To win back a girlfriend, the first step is to accurately identify her needs. Review your relationship and think about what she cares about most, needs most, and complains about the most: whether she wants you to spend more time with her, or if she wants you to become more responsible; Do I hope you can communicate well, or do I hope you can change a certain weakness; Do you want your attention or do you want a stable future. Only by identifying her needs can you make targeted contributions and truly deliver them to her heart.
For example, if she cares about companionship, you can spend more time with her, eating, watching movies, taking walks together, even if it’s just quiet being together; If she cares about your responsibility, you should take the initiative to take on your own, work hard, plan for the future, and no longer evade or shirk responsibility when encountering problems; If she cares about communication, take the initiative to communicate with her, patiently listen to her thoughts, and no longer be perfunctory or silent.
Please remember, redemption is not about ‘self emotion’, but about ‘precise matching’. Your efforts only have meaning if they meet her needs; Only when she feels that ‘you understand her and care about her’, will she be willing to accept you again. Instead of blindly giving and being moved by oneself, it’s better to identify her needs and use precise giving to touch her heart, making recovery more efficient.