Many people tend to fall into deep self blame after divorce, habitually reviewing the details of their marriage and attributing all the reasons for the failure of their marriage to themselves, thinking that it was their lack of tolerance and understanding that led to the breakdown of their marriage. Long term self accountability can lead people into feelings of inferiority and depression, making it difficult for them to heal on their own. Actually, the end of a marriage is never a problem for one person alone.
Marriage is the integration and management of two people, requiring mutual efforts. The end of a marriage is often caused by the accumulation of multiple problems such as differences in values, poor communication, lack of companionship, and imbalanced interaction patterns. It is not a unilateral fault and there is no need to bear all the responsibility alone.
Stop excessive self reflection and internal friction. Don’t dwell on past details repeatedly, don’t assume how the ending could have been changed in the first place. Emotional wear and tear is the result of accumulation over time. Even if we start over, many problems cannot be avoided, so there is no need to overly self blame.
Let go of obsession and accept the imperfections of marriage. Not all marriages can stay together until old age, separation and reunion are the norm of life. Accept the ending calmly, let go of yourself, let go of the past, and don’t continue to consume yourself for irreparable things.
There is no perfect marriage in life, nor is there a regret free ending. There is no need for self blame or self denial when a marriage is broken. Reconciliation with the past, reconciliation with oneself, and moving towards the future with growth are the best ways to fulfill oneself.