Many couples think that only arguments and conflicts can be considered a crisis in marital conflicts, but they overlook the more deadly cold violence. Compared to straightforward arguments, cold and violent behaviors such as cold war, refusal to communicate, deliberate estrangement, and ignoring partner emotions will gradually consume the relationship between husband and wife, making the two gradually become strangers in an intimate relationship. Being in a cold and violent marriage for a long time can easily lead to psychological problems such as inferiority, depression, and anxiety, ultimately leading to the breakdown of the marriage.
The emergence of cold and violent marriages is not simply due to a lack of love, but can be traced back to two psychological states. Some people belong to the avoidant personality type, unwilling to engage in direct disputes in the face of differences, habitually using silence instead of communication, fearing the negative emotions brought about by arguments, and mistakenly believing that not speaking can resolve conflicts; There are also some couples who, due to repeated communication failures, feel disappointed and feel that talking too much is useless, so they close themselves off and express their dissatisfaction and resistance through cold war.
There are no winners in the Cold War, only the accumulation of barriers. Even arguments can be used to express demands directly, while a cold war can allow conflicts to be indefinitely put on hold, and what was originally a small matter can gradually evolve into a long-term emotional knot. The party who has been neglected for a long time is prone to internal friction and doubt their self-worth; The side implementing the Cold War will gradually become accustomed to solitude, gradually break away from the marital state, and lose the original meaning of intimate relationships when two people live in the same room but do not share the same heart.
To resolve the Cold War, both spouses need to make changes together. After a conflict arises, it is forbidden to punish the other party with silence and it is agreed not to engage in a cold war overnight; When emotionally excited, one can briefly calm down, but it is important to clearly inform the other party of the duration of the calm state; After the argument, take the initiative to review the issue and let go of the winning or losing mentality. Managing a marriage is never about distinguishing right from wrong, but learning to tolerate each other and reject cold violence, which is the foundation for maintaining a long-lasting marriage.