When meeting for the first time, many people are eager to understand whether they are compatible with each other, and the three values (worldview, outlook on life, and values) are the core that determines whether long-term interaction is comfortable. But the three perspectives are abstract and profound, and directly asking ‘what are your three perspectives?’ may seem awkward and awkward, but it can actually distance oneself. In fact, without deliberate probing, one can quietly understand each other’s values through easy chatting and detailed observation, without being abrupt, and accurately judge whether they are on the same frequency.
The core of understanding the Three Principles is to start from daily topics and look at the underlying logic, rather than directly asking for general principles. You can start by talking about small things around you, such as work, life, hobbies, and observing the other person’s attitude and choices. When talking about work, observing how he evaluates his profession and attitude towards overtime, whether he complains about internal conflicts or actively responds, can reveal his sense of responsibility and attitude towards life; Talking about trivial matters in life, such as how to arrange weekends, whether one likes to stay at home for charging or prefers to explore outside, can help one perceive his life philosophy and rhythm.
Talk about others and small things, and see their empathy and bottom line. The differences in values are often hidden in the evaluation of others. For example, when talking about the experiences of people around us and social hot topics, we can see if they are objective and rational, understand how to put themselves in others’ shoes, or extreme, one-sided, and critical of others; When it comes to small matters related to interests, such as AA system and helping others at will, it is more meaningful to see if they understand empathy, are not nitpicky, and can judge their values and bottom line in dealing with things than vague conversations.
Observe the details and behavior, and understand his implicit values. Language can disguise itself, but details do not lie. When we first met, judging from his attitude towards the waiter, was it respectful and gentle, or arrogant and perfunctory; See how he handles sudden small accidents, whether he is impatient to complain or calm to solve them; Judging from his consumption concept, is it rational and moderate, or blind comparison. Among these details, there lies his most authentic cultivation and values, which are more credible than deliberate expression.
Avoid two misconceptions and make understanding more natural. One is not to ask about privacy, not to forcefully debate, such as asking about income, past relationships, or arguing about right or wrong views, which will only make the other party feel uncomfortable; The second is not to draw conclusions based solely on a single topic. The first time you meet, you only get to know the tip of the iceberg. Listen and observe more, and make comprehensive judgments based on multiple details to avoid misunderstanding the other party.
In fact, the purpose of meeting for the first time to understand the Three Values is not to screen for “perfect fit” people, but to determine whether there is a possibility of compatibility between each other. There is no absolute right or wrong in values, only compatibility. Only through easy chatting, meticulous observation, and understanding the underlying logic and principles of the other party can we determine whether this relationship is worth further deepening, avoid internal conflicts due to differences in values, and make every meeting more meaningful.